Happy Birthday

The day I was born my mom refused to hold me

Didn’t even wanted to look once at the face of her baby

Grandma took me then, carried me home 'cause I was so little

Meanwhile, mommy entered the mental hospital

On a wheelchair, unable to move, under major depression

Cause she couldn’t believe how she got a kid from her rapist

I opened my eyes to the world and faced the starving session

Cause the money was gone, my father took it all

Mom didn’t give me milk, grandma had no food

That's how she took me in her arm and walked on the streets

Looked around and fed me with things people already chewed

Heart issues, breath struggles, cables around my neck

Grandma could only give me hot water with some sugar

Wondering how she would pay the next paycheck

But she always found a way to make my stomach fuller

Mom wanted to see my father but she was in therapy

She wrote notes behind my baby pictures and send them over

„Dear daddy, I am your daughter, don't you want to see me?“

Grandma borrowed clothes from the neighbor's kid

Put them on me so I looked cute for my daddy

The first time he came to see me, blood run over my eyelid

He stood above the stairs and pushed the stroller down with his baby

Yeah I have that memory marked on my face forever

Cover it with different shapes of makeup in the morning every day

Daddy was a criminal, fucking around with some Russian chicks

In and out of jail, running around in a leather jacket

He was a real threat, grandma decided to hide me away

Mom came out, had a job, could even buy me a nice blanket

Life was getting better, my birthday was a celebration

Called over friends and family what a blessing

Suddenly the door knocked, daddy came out on probation

He attacked the party, voices, screaming, yelling, messing

Pulled a gun out of his pocket, jumped over to get me

Yeah last time I saw him he really tried to kill me

When I try to remember his face, I see that weapon too

In the labyrinth of my brain, that’s my oldest, darkest view

Saved last minute by the policemen rushing through the door

My birthday cake and everything was on the floor

They stepped on my three candles with their boots

Couldn't even make a wish I wonder what that would be

They put handcuffs on daddy before he shoots

Arrested him but mom was already on her knee

She asked the police to let her lover be free

And that’s where the story has a surprising twist

Cause mom was addicted she could never resist

She didn’t want me to grow up thinking she is the one to blame

That father was put behind bars but for him, I was a moral shame

Damn that fact really makes me even angrier I'm pissed

Dad run away, involved with the mafia, I never saw him again

Growing up thinking another man is my dad

He was good at first but then got really toxic

Mom kept him cause without a husband she was just always sad

I hated her until I found out she needed protection cause she was sick

She didn’t tell me about my real father that was a big secret

Called the new guy her daddy too so I learned from her

Wanted me to get into the bathtub with him to play but asked very discreet

After boarding school, I was beaten up by my own mother

Telling me that I look like my criminal father

That I got his bad behavior, I even got his ability to tell lies

I got his nose, his ears, his hair, his eyes

Pink barbie house turned red when blood run down from my busted lip

When I was sixteen friends bullied me and called me a bastard

My body was covered in scarves, wounds, some still plastered

Your father is not your real father, your real father is looking for you

He will come and get you and shoot up your head

That's the moment that changed my life, the day I found out the truth

So many questions in my head but I could finally understand

Why mommy never loved me and the great scenario she planned

Scared for my life everyday walking on my way to school

A mobbing victim, patient of chronic anxiety, a suicidal little fool

What if dad shows up and truly really bothers me

Man I'm too young that's not how my death should be

I couldn't handle it, I made a decision, end up swallowing every other pill

But things got worse when it made me wake up in the hospital very ill

I went to my grandmother's house, the place where I grew up

Nobody was home, so time for me to show up

I noticed something under the bed, four suitcases filled with letters

„Come and find me, don’t believe in what they say“

My father wrote me with some pictures of us together

Grandma kept those papers from the prison and a portray

Damn I look so much like him, the genes that we share

As a teenager, I stood hours in front of the mirror

Trying to straighten the curls out of my black hair

Cause daddy was an Arab and stepfather was a white

That's why he abused me too almost every other night

I run away barefoot from my aggressive parents

Worked hard, build a life and a home with my own hands

I'm thankful for every moment, today these sufferings are my true presents

On my birthdays I don’t even make wishes cause I have some bigger plans.